Choosing to take responsibility…

I know I played a part in how my life was. I’d be a liar to say I was depressed and everyone ignored me. That I was surrounded by awful, terrible, toxic people. It’s unfair to them and a disservice to myself as an individual.

I was difficult. I wasn’t the nicest kid, not even close. There were times that I was very unpleasant. No one around me particularly had the time to deal with that. So even though I needed help, there was some digging to be done to get to it.

The past year has taught me that life is incredibly difficult, and things could simply go wrong, and you’d end up somewhere you’d have never thought you’d be.

I never thought I’d be working minimum wage. I was smart and had a degree. But I was unrealistic. I never prepared myself for life after college. Life as an adult. I didn’t get work experience and I never devoted myself to my craft of writing. My minimal resume got me nowhere. And I needed a job, so that was it. I resented my job, and I felt I was too good for it. Everyone; family and even coworkers told me I could do better. I was wasting my time. And I treated the job like a waste of time. I never went anywhere. I never tried to learn what I could from it. A job is a job, and you can learn invaluable things if you’re open to it. And for a long time, I wasn’t.

I never considered learning to spend money. Money was always scarce in my house, so me having my own was me being a kid in a candy store. I never appreciated how the money I made needed to be relative to my spending habits. But I live rent free at home, so I never truly had to consider it. My mom would be upset at how much I spent, and I’d snark back at her. I never looked to truly appreciate what she was giving me by letting me stay home rent free.

I never appreciated truly what I could be capable of myself as a young person. I never bothered to take the chance to learn about myself, and to see what the world had in store for me. I was comfortable and complacent where I was. I never appreciated anything because of how I felt inside. As much of a difference that anyone could’ve made, I could’ve made an even bigger one. I had a responsibility to myself and I still do. I need to make sure that I’m going where I need to be. I can’t blame my parents years later for my hurt feelings. For me, taking responsibility is me taking control of where I’m going, and who I am. So here’s to taking responsibility.

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